Day 4: Writers craft words into memorable phrases, stories, poems, and plays. What writers make your heart sing? Why?

Just a few, pulled out of my immediate memory as if from a hat, for the sake of brevity.

Helene Hanff, author of 84 Charing Cross Road, because her memorable exchange of letters with a bookseller in London, from her apartment in New York, celebrate the power of words, of books, and of the human connection that both can make possible.

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I will also give credit to many film script writers, because I often come across a line in a movie that I will listen to over and over until I can copy the quote correctly and save it for later inspiration.

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William James, (in the form of a quotation I found on a tea box), offered these words that continue to renew my enthusiasm and hope when I feel like I’ll never achieve my goals: “Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they’ve got a second. Give your dreams all you’ve got and you’ll be amazed at the energy that comes out of you.”

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The poet Dorianne Laux, who was one of my classmates at Mills College. I will sheepishly admit I didn’t think she was so special at the time we sat at the same table reading our work out loud, but now her poems are in books, and she has even co-written a book on writing poetry.

She showed me that real people really can write something other people, including me, want to read.

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Alexander McCall Smith, a Scottish man who writes insightful, joyful novels about a woman in Botswana. These stories are clean and positive – no profanity, no racy plot lines – and yet they show that none of that is necessary to make a book fascinating and compelling.

They are fun and extremely readable, and provide portraits of real people living real life with grace, humor, and decency. And at the same time, they ponder big issues, and in each novel I find myself with new words to look up. A rare combination of decency, optimism, intelligence, and a reader friendly style.

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And of course Charlotte Bronte, a poor, powerless governess with great mental powers, who wrote about a similar poor, powerless governess whose strength of character, sense of self, and unquenchable hope and affection, led her to conquer a series of circumstances that could have crushed someone much stronger than she appeared.

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The psalmist David, who poured out his heart to God, whether in times of intense trial or those of joy and triumph. At times he showed great faith. At other times his actions were deeply flawed. But always he maintained his faith in God, his expansive love, and his desire to please him.

The songs, or poetry, that he wrote convey deep feeling, lasting faith, and the strength that originates beyond our flawed selves. They really do sing to us, as timeless poetry is able to do.

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I think that of all that writers give us, these two gifts are among the greatest.

1. A view into a different place, time, perspective, and way of life.

2. The gift of feeling that we are not alone. Even if we find ourselves with no one of like mind around us, when we read the writer reaches a hand across to us and reminds us that someone else does think and feel and experience life the way we do.

Day 3: What person in your life helped you understand the importance of choosing words carefully? What would you say to them if you met them today?

I can’t think of one person in particular who taught me this in any direct way.

I had many great writing teachers, each of whom taught me something different, but all of them to value words and the meanings they express.

But there have been other kinds of teachers, in my personal life, who taught me things I didn’t necessarily want to know.

There have been one or two people who have, regrettably, taught me that your words can be distorted and used against you. Through them I learned how vital it is to be careful what you say, how you say it, and to whom you say it.

I would say to them that trust is an honor that should be earned, and words should be used to connect and clarify, not as weapons to be flung back at the one using them.

I have also known people who didn’t seem to understand the importance of just the right word, or of listening as a sign that you respect and value the person speaking.

As a writer, choosing the best words matters to me, but I also like to take a little extra time to really think about what I want to say when I’m speaking to someone.

Often I have had people react to this moment of thoughtfulness with either discomfort or impatience. They even try to guess at what I’m trying to say, as if I need their help.

And the further implications are that they know what I’ll say, that it isn’t surprising or special, and that my thoughts aren’t worth waiting a few extra seconds to hear expressed well.

Often they guessed wrong, and missed out on the chance to get to know me better and learn another perspective.

My answer to them: listen. You might learn something, even if it’s ‘only’ a new word, or some subtle aspect of who I am that you wouldn’t have known otherwise. Don’t assume I’m so uninteresting that it doesn’t matter if I finish my sentence the way I mean to.

Don’t rush me, or anyone, by filling in an easy, predictable response so it can be your turn to talk again.

On the positive side, there was one therapist, and friend, who confirmed my sense, even when I was a very young woman, that words had power, and could cause damage if not used carefully.

Because I was observant, felt deeply, had strong opinions, and could use words effectively, I had a kind of power that we both knew I needed to use carefully.

At the time I knew my words could cause pain or harm, and so I needed to use them with restraint, like a quiver of sharp arrows, most of which you choose to keep in their sheath. 

Later I realized words can also heal, connect, bridge gaps, teach what is valuable, fill in what is missing. There is something strengthening and life affirming about this sense of power, especially in situations when we might otherwise feel powerless.

Though I have sometimes failed to keep harmful words to myself, I now try to use the power of words for good, by choosing them carefully; by making them positive, respectful and helpful; by not saying what serves no purpose except to sting; and also by not holding back a good word that should be expressed.

So I will say to this ‘teacher,’ as well as to my younger self: thank you for making me aware of this power, so I could gradually learn how to use it well.

Day 2: Writers are artists with words as their medium. What author is your favorite word stylist?

As with day 1, I can’t choose only one.

I love Jane Austen, because she used words so effectively that she taught without people knowing they were being taught, and aimed arrows without the deserving recipients knowing where the sting came from.

She illuminated the unfair inequities, in both class and gender, that marred her society, all under the guise of an entertaining story.

Yet the stories themselves, and especially her artfully drawn character portraits, were so engaging and insightful that they still move readers over 200 years later.

Perhaps her portrayals of the impressive changes people are able and willing to make in their character and behavior were a bit optimistic, but isn’t that part of the job of an artist – to show would could and should be possible? She herself said that even if her own life could not have such a happy ending, she would make sure that her characters eventually would.

One can’t help but wonder, wistfully, what even greater works of art she might have created if she had lived past 41!

Having given credit where credit is due to one novelist who truly deserves to be called an artist, I will now transition to poets and poetry, in my mind the most direct and highest form of verbal art.

Poets are literally word artists, using words as material much the way a painter uses paint. They are able to take language – something common, utilitarian, and available to each of us, and make it something more.

Though I am especially drawn to several contemporary poets, generally preferring the freer forms and modern language of contemporary poetry, I enjoy the work of poets of various times, working in various styles.

I have long been a fan of the intensely emotional, lyrical, and thoughtful German poet, Rainer Rilke, though I’ve been limited to reading his work in translation.

However, if I have to choose one favorite, it would still be the poet I liked first, as a young girl – the probably obvious choice – Emily Dickinson. She was so ahead of her time in the freedom and eccentricity or her form and style.

She conveyed, with amazing ability, a deeply rich inner life that contrasts sharply, almost shockingly, with the extreme, partially self-imposed limits of her external existence.

Like so many artists, she was barely appreciated or known in her lifetime, but achieved a level of posthumous fame and even adulation that would likely have astonished, though perhaps not entirely surprised her.

How great that a week about words, one of my great loves, is depicted by a poster in a beautiful shade of purple, one of my other great loves.

I’m going to put off the promised ‘tomato’ post until next week, so I can participate in a five day writing challenge in honor of Words Matter Week. I believe that idea so much that “words matter” is part of my email signature!

I’m going to try to write one short post each day in answer to each of the five questions provided by NAIWE (national association of independent writer’s and artists, the host for this blog.)

I hope you’ll tune into my blog (www.dianefanucchi.naiwe.com) each day to see my post of the day.

So, here’s day one of #WordsMatterWeek

Words Matter Week Writing Challenge

Day 1: If you had to eliminate one word or phrase from the English language, what would it be? Why?

This is one of those impossible questions, like “what’s your favorite book, food, movie?” You can’t pick only one. At least I can’t.

So I’m going to cheat a little.

First, I’m going to eliminate a whole class of words, then move on to the top two phrases I’d eliminate.

I hate profanity of all kinds and think it has no place in good writing or speech, with a few possible exceptions made necessary by context.

But in general profanity is ugly and annoying and a lazy (you’ll see the irony below) use of language. I’m 51 years old and have not lived in outer space, so it’s not likely I’ll be shocked because I’ve never heard any of the words before. I just hate them, and don’t want to be subjected to them when I read or have a conversation.

In my opinion respect; decency; and love of language, as well as consideration for others, all make all profanity undesirable and unnecessary. Enough said.

Now, on to the phrase I’d eliminate: “just saying.” I don’t feel it conveys anything meaningful or has any real purpose except to make the person using it think they can say anything they want and then seek refuge under this phrase.

Usually people say this after they’ve made a comment that is rude, intrusive, unwanted, or irrelevant, then follow it by “just saying,” so you aren’t supposed to be mad at them because they’ve somehow neutralized it with these two words.

The phrase is annoying by itself, and usually follows something also annoying that the person knows they shouldn’t really say. So, try just “not saying.”

If I could pick a second phrase it would be “you’re lazy.” To me, that usually just means that the other person isn’t doing what YOU want them to do, or isn’t doing it in the way or at the time you want them to do it. Then you want them to feel bad about themselves for not meeting your expectations.

It’s mean, controlling, and probably not true.

Do you see a theme here? None of these are kind, nice, considerate of the other person, or particularly insightful. They’re about imposing something on someone rather than listening.

So, let’s go out and have a day free of ugly words, pointless words, and unkind words. There are plenty of other, better words to choose from.

Choose carefully, because words matter.

6. We’re not in a hurry all the time.

Likely in your twenties, thirties, and forties, you had a full-time job, tried to grow your career, reared children, served on committees, and on and on. Sometimes it was hard to catch your breath and enjoy life as it happened.

Now you are probably still busy, still working, still living an active life, but likely you are also juggling a little less, over the hardest part of the learning curve, and able to slow down a little. Make the most of it. Life goes by fast anyway; we don’t need to make it feel faster by not savoring the moment. The clock, like any tool or technology, should serve us, not be our master.

7. We are in a unique position to help those both younger and older than we are.

We’re right in the middle. We know more and have experienced more than those who are younger, and we can tell them things about life we wish someone had told us. We have likely gained some perspective that can help us and others.

We also probably have more strength and ability in some areas than those older than us. We can drive them where they need to go, shop for them, or just listen. They’ve been where we are – now we can pay some of it back, and still learn from them as well.

Some people call this the “sandwich generation,” where we face the demands of children and parents. But we can also benefit from this place in the middle, learning from and teaching the generations on either side of us.

Take just two examples:

1. Technology – likely those younger than us know more about modern technology than we do, and can teach us some of its uses and benefits. It’s also likely that we already know more about such things than those older than us, and we can patiently help them to use the benefits of technology as well.

2. Culture – while we have lived history that happened before later generations were even born, and can teach them about former ways of life, we can also benefit from the viewpoint of youth, renewing our energy, enthusiasm, and the sense of what is possible. Similarly we can keep learning from those who lived before us, and share our somewhat younger perspective with them.

8. Age doesn’t really matter so much, so we can be more open to friendships with those older and younger than ourselves.

This is basically a continuation of point 7, but it’s about more than just learning and helping, but about a true personal exchange with a variety of people of different ages and ways of thinking. When we view others, whatever their age, with an open mind and heart, we can broaden our viewpoint, deepen our empathy, and have meaningful exchanges that enrich everyone involved.

We may even try new things we’d never considered before, and enjoy spending time with people we might previously have overlooked.

My whole life I’ve enjoyed friendships with people much older than me, but more recently, as I’m less and less often the youngest person in the room, I’m learning to enjoy friendships with people much younger than me as well, and it does help me feel younger too.

9. There is still plenty we can do now to help to improve our physical and mental health in the coming decades.

We can keep using our bodies and our minds, learn new things, eat well, make a contribution, and take care of ourselves and our relationships in countless beneficial ways.

What we do, and don’t do, what we eat, and don’t eat, how we take care of ourselves, how active we are, physically and mentally, can help or harm our well-being as we age. This one, with some research, could become its own post. What do you think?

10. We can have fun.

Since we probably have fewer “have-to-do’s” in our lives, we have more time for “want-to- do’s.” What do you really want to do with the time and energy you have? This time of life is a great opportunity to have fun, seek adventure, and view the remaining years as full of possibility.

We also don’t care as much about what people think, and many in their late middle years have grand-children, so there are built-in excuses to play and try being young again.

Personally I love reading children’s books, both those I remember fondly from my childhood, and those written more recently. I love the sense of innocence and “anything is possible,” as well as the realism and psychological insight that many new books for children and teenagers feature. It’s a great way to tap into youthful thinking, to play, and to de-stress with the soothing ritual of a “bedtime story.”

If our development is reversed, in the sense that the elderly are sometimes considered child-like again, our middle years can be a kind of second adolescence. A better one because there’s less teenage angst, fewer rules, no high-school, and more freedom, but there can still be a sense of anticipation, energy, and possibility.

If adolescents are starting their adult lives, we late middles are re- starting them. It’s time to rejuvenate and consider, with a sense of excitement, what possibilities can still lie ahead for us.

In my last post, I admitted that I would actually consider 10 great things about being 50 plus, instead of 50. But I challenge you to keep adding to your own list, and I’ll do the same.